Character Development

This has been a VERY busy week of rehearsals. All lines are supposed to be memorized from here on out!!! I realized I haven’t had to memorize a substantial chunk of dialogue for a show since high school. That wasn’t too long ago, but still when you’re out of practice it’s a terrifying feat to accomplish. Fortunately, I got this brilliant idea from my former roommate when she was preparing for a lead role in Portland, OR. She used her garage band program on her Mac book to record her voice saying everyone else’s lines with pauses in the dialogue to recite her own. I did the same thing and it’s been a life-saver! I made myself a CD so that I can practice in my car. (I wonder if people think I’m crazy when they see me doing this – hopefully they assume I’m talking on my blue tooth or something.) I’ve really enjoyed practicing this way for a number of reasons: I don’t have to bother someone to run lines with me, I can practice on my own time, and I’m not only learning my cue lines (the line that’s said right before my line or entrance), but I’m getting a feel for the whole scene and practicing Peggy’s reactions to everything else that’s happening. For the most part, I survived this first week of “off book” (or lines memorized) rehearsals. Phew!!!

Acting is crazy when you really think about it. I’ve been giving a lot of thought to this because I don’t consider myself much of an actor. I’m sure this insecurity simply comes from a lack of acting experience on my part. Anyway, acting is crazy because you’re constantly mixing concrete elements with personal instinct. Let me explain what I mean with an example from a rehearsal this week. The director told me to say my line then exit the stage only to be stopped by another actor’s line. These are concrete elements – lines and blocking. BUT the line that was supposed to interrupt my exit was delivered late! I had no choice but to abandon the blocking and go with my instinct, which was to follow through with the exit. It’s not what was supposed to happen, but without that line, Peggy had no reason to stop and stay on stage. Fortunately, it was just rehearsal and we quickly fixed that from happening again. It’s at times like these that I’m conflicted! I want to do what I’ve been directed to do, but when something unexpected happens (i.e. a line is dropped), instinctually I want to do something else. Then, it’s so easy to start doubting what my instincts are telling me to do (i.e. following through with the exit). Suddenly, my mind is racing with questions like, “Am I doing the right thing?” That’s the worst, because when I’m acting and reacting in the moment as Peggy Sawyer, I don’t have time to listen to Sarah Hadley’s negative talk or doubts! Allowing that to go on only shifts my focus onto myself as opposed to my character. See how crazy this whole “being in character” thing is??? It’s WAY harder than I ever thought prior to this experience!

Though this internal conflict arises from time to time, I’m learning so much! This week: following direction is important but at the end of the day, the honest portrayal of my character takes priority. I’m growing as an actor thanks to our director, Brad Duffy. He is extremely knowledgeable, so if you have a question about your character’s reactions, blocking, line deliver, etc. he’ll have an answer. However, what is so special and unique to Brad’s directing style is that he won’t necessarily give you the answer. He’d rather let you take some time to discover and determine the answer for yourself. If your decision still doesn’t work or isn’t believable, then Brad will step in and give some assistance. What’s great about this approach to directing is that it bolsters confidence in each performer and in turn, awards a sense of ownership and pride in one’s work as an actor. For example, there have been several times where I’ve wanted to say, “Can you just tell me what Peggy should think about that?” or “Can you just say that line the way you want Peggy to say it?” but instead, I’m given the freedom to try it a few different ways – experiment – and come to a decision that I believe is true to Peggy Sawyer.

About a year ago, I made a huge discovery that I try to strive for each day: Don’t be so concerned about the finished product. Instead, try to soak up the experience of the process even if it’s messy and imperfect sometimes. This is exactly what I have to remember as I continue to grow through this rehearsal process!